do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
