all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
