marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
