so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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