Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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