i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Randomize
