Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
