No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
