thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
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