Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize