We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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