So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
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