i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
