My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
