i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
