Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
