Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
