To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
