she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
