Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
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