This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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