HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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