You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
