i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
