his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
