Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize
