Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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