Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
