I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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