Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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