You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
It all started with a game of naked twister.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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