If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
