my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
