uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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