It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I want to fling myself into the sun
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
A bitchslap is in order.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
