I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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