We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
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