Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
