sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
