I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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