Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
