I think scott just propositioned me for sex
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
The beer is more important than you right now.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
You are the jesus of drinking
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Randomize
