FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
