at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
