Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
