I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
