Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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