As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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