I hate all girls vehemently.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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