i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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