i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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