what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
