Just fell off a train. Bad.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
