i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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