I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
