Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
