I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
