i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
