dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
