Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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