since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
