is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
