once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
