your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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